Dancing with Desires

“By keeping quiet about our sexual stories we reinforce the belief that there is something shameful about our sexuality.” Jalaja Bonheim

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor’s cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. “It’s overfull! No more will go in!” the professor blurted. “You are like this cup,” the master replied, “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup.” (Zen Koan)

The Yogi told me he broke up his last girlfriend because he was too busy tracing patterns into her heart to really see her, and it was only when they broke up she really became clear to him, and he really became clear to himself.

Tracing patterns.

I don’t know why I bother with preconceived ideas about how I “should” be behaving. Why should I try to be any way other than what comes naturally to me? I am consistently overflowing with Yes. I’ve got unbridled ecstatic autolysis; Grace and force simultaneously ripple through me and project outward. My DNA is supercharged, and this is in part, what makes me who I am.

What patterns am I already tracing into my new friends’ heart by having such preconceived ideas anyway?

Really, there is such little importance in all of this. Still, I wink in recognition and amusement and ultimately, I utterly resign to the fact that all I can be is exactly who I am in any given moment.

Who I “was” before, and who I “am becoming” now are just illusory superimposed conceptions.