The last time I did yoga I posted about it here. September 5th.

The past six weeks have been unhealthy ones for me. I know not practicing played a major role in that. I know that if I had been I practicing, I would have handled quite a few obstacles that were thrown my way quite differently.

A fellow yoga friend of mine flippantly and almost frustratingly barked at me that “yoga isn’t about flat abs” and to “maybe it’s also about having some compassion for yourself for the times you aren’t doing it.”

And yes, I have compassion for myself. And yes, I can come up with a series of very valuable excuses as to why I hadn’t gone to the studio- but I can’t really come up with a single good excuse why I didn’t practice at home or when traveling.

I am angry at myself for letting this happen. For letting myself slip so deeply into unwellness and bad habits.

Going to yoga with my teacher Dave tonight was like coming home. It welcomed me back, and was forgiving of my absence.

I learned that I haven’t been leaning forward in chutarunga (push up pose) and that when you lean forward it is WAY harder.

And I was gently reminded that the focus in pose is often inadvertently inequitably focused. I learned that the focus on the depth of a twist is equally important to the concentration on my flexed foot. Each and every part of the body engaged and aware.

Lastly, I enjoyed the tidbit of wisdom shared that doing yoga in this mindful way creates a body intelligence. It allows you to read chapters of your body, and everytime you read one chapter, there is another one just waiting to be read. There are an infinite number of chapters to the body.

And so, in the interest of having compassion for myself in my practice, I forgive myself for reading the chapter of neglecting my yoga and my body and instead smoking cigarrettes, too much Crown Royal, not enough water, and way too many cookies for dinner.

I am excited and committed to reading the next chapter of my body intelligence, and await with respect and wonder as to what the turning pages will reveal.